


Infinity and Its Implicati9ns

by silverstardust



Series: The Musings and Essays 9f Kankri Vantas [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dream Bubbles, God Tier, Infinity, Kankei writes an essay and has a mental breakdown, Kankri writes an essay, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multiple Universes, Seer Problems, Seer kankri, The Concept of Infinity, mentions of culling, mentions of humanstuck, mentions of mituna's accident, there's a ship if you squint, why do i do this to him the world may never know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 10:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13246377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverstardust/pseuds/silverstardust
Summary: Ah yes. Infinity. Both possible and impossible to comprehend. Where do I even begin? The implications of infinity, especially mixed with the fact that there are, indeed, alternative universes are impossible to comprehend and quite frankly, could drive someone insane if they thought about it for too long.That would probably explain my mental state now that I think about it.---Kankri talks about infinity.





	Infinity and Its Implicati9ns

Ah yes. Infinity. Both possible and impossible to comprehend. Where do I even begin? The implications of infinity, especially mixed with the fact that there are, indeed, alternative universes are impossible to comprehend and quite frankly, could drive someone insane if they thought about it for too long. 

 

That would probably explain my mental state now that I think about it. Perhaps Porrim was right about when she said my rambling would eventually drive me to insanity. Oh well. There are other Kankris that can take over for me. 

 

So. There are alternative universes, due to doomed timelines and time travel or temperament due to our lovely time players Dave, Aradia, and Damara. But each doomed timeline has their own people, their own Kankri, or Dave, or Nepeta, or Roxy, whose events and choices differ from all other copies, because their own events have been different if even in the slightest, and those slight differences have created an entirely new version of that person, with different morals or different tiers.

 

Each one is their own, unique,  _ real _ person, with conscious thoughts and feelings, and there are hundreds, thousands, millions,  _ billions _ of them, meaning there are hundreds, thousands, millions, billions of other alternative universes with different events, and all of this goes on for forever and ever and ever, in the infinite amount of alternatives where every small decision can create even more universes, and it just goes on and on and on and it will never, ever, ever, ever stop. 

 

This. This is infinity. This is what keeps me up at nights and leaves me unable to sleep; what makes me avoid all versions of my friends except those I know are my own, are from my own timeline, the ones I know best, what causes bouts of depression, of anxiety, why I’m slowly driving myself insane because I  _ must _ stop thinking about it for my own good, but I can’t, because I haven’t fully comprehended it yet, but I never will, because the implications of infinity are impossible to understand, and around and around the infinite spiral of madness and insanity goes with no stop, like a carousel with a pike in the controls, it will never stop. 

 

Infinite.

 

Infinity.

 

Some infinities are large. All Kankris have red blood, and will have red blood. I have not yet to find a Kankri who did not have red blood. And some infinities are very small. Out of thousands of other Kankris that I’ve seen, only two of them are god tiered. Myself and one other. 

 

So not only are there multiple infinities, but they vary in size, creating overlapping infinities that can be found in some Kankris but not in others. Some Kankris were not raised by my particular culler, but did find the Beforian Ruin Myths, as I did. Others had the same culler as I did but did not go through the same treatments, or went to a different feederschool and never met Latula before the game as I did. 

 

Some infinities are massive and cover every universe. Others are infinities of one, events that are so particular that, despite the infinite amount of universes, there is only one, single universe where it happened. There is only one Mituna who is not incapacitated due to an unnamed event. 

 

Perhaps, out there, there is a Kankri who, in a small infinity somewhere, is human, and lives on Earth with humans. And he goes to a human feederschool, with his friends, and learns to his heart’s content, and lives in a safe environment, out of harm’s way. Perhaps, in an even smaller infinity, he does not poison or waste his youth by taking too much time caring about things that needn’t so much of his time. Instead, he enjoys his life, his youth, and has fun, instead of driving people away with lectures and sermons. And perhaps, in an even smaller infinity, an infinity of one even, he is perhaps involved with someone he really cares about. 

 

Perhaps. In some infinity, so far away, it is even outside the reach of dream bubbles, perhaps even the reach of SGRUB itself. Something… pure. Untouchable, and unique. An infinity of one.

 

To be honest, I would give anything to trade places with that Kankri at this very moment. He doesn’t know how lucky he is to not have to constantly stare infinity in the face, as his life in the dream bubbles has no change, and has no foreseeable change, ever.

 

I wonder what that Kankri is doing. For his own sanity, and all other Kankris, I hope that my obsession with infinity is an infinity of one.

 

But that brings the thought of, if it is an infinity of one, I might be alone. I might never find someone who will understand the implications of infinity. I’ve tried to explain it to others, and they nod, and say they understand, but I know they don’t. I know they don’t. Millions of sweeps of every Kankri talking and lecturing has driven them away from listening fully. It doesn’t help that it isn’t physically possible to fully, completely understand infinity. If I am an infinity of one, there is no one who will understand the sheer vastness, the sheer loneliness, the sheer nothingness infinity means. I am insignificant. No matter what I have done, what I do, or will ever do, I will never hold any sort of significance. I am simply one Kankri in a sea of billions that will never, ever matter.

 

Of all the infinities, the infinity of one is the worst fate.


End file.
